Dear Mr. President:
> I'm planning to move my family and extended family into
> Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist
> me. We're planning to simply walk across the border from
> the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a
> few arrangements.
> We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports,
> immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those
> things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling
> your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?
> Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
>
> 1. Free medical care for my entire family.
> 2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services
> I might need, whether I use them or not.
> 3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.
> 4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by
> English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
> 5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on
> American culture and
> history.
> 6. I want my grandkids to see the American
> flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
> 7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at
> school for both breakfast and lunch.
> 8. I will need a local Mexican driver's
> license so I can get easy access to government services.
> 9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico , but, I
> don’t plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably
> won't make any special effort to
> learn local traffic laws.
> 10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get
> the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be
> sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking
> officer.
> 11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put U S.
> flag
> decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July
> 4th. I
> do not want any complaints or negative comments from the
> locals.
> 12. I would also like to have a
> nice job without paying any taxes,
> or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I
> may start.
> 13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people
> to be extremely nice and never say a critical thing about me
> or my family, or about the strain we might place on their
> economy.
> 14. I want to receive free food stamps.
> 15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.
> 16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I
> don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the
> government.
> 17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $
> 4,500 to help me buy a new car.
> 18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the
> Mexican
> Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly
> income in retirement.
> I know this is an easy request because you already do all
> these
> things for all his people who come to the U.S. from Mexico
> . I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning
> the favor if you ask him
> nicely.
> Thank you so much for your kind help. ---You ARE the
> MAN!!!