MAXDOUT Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00 Coffee: $1.00 Total: $21.00 Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree....$50.00. 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer....$20 :kitty: , drive home. 3) Open a beer. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands misplaced from the last time. 6) In frustration, open another beer. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can. Open another beer. 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 19) Remember drain plug from step 11. 20) Hurry to find drain plug. 21) Drink beer. 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 25) Begin cussing fit. 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit the beer on the workbench. 28) Open fresh beer. 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 30) Beer. 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 32) Beer. 33) Lower car from jack stands. 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter. 35) Beer. 36) Test drive car. 37) Get pulled over and arrested for driving under the influence. 38) Car gets impounded. 39) Call loving wife, make bail. 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts: $50.00 DUI: $2500.00 Impound fee: $75.00 Bail: $1500.00 Beer: $20.00 Total: $4,145.00 But at least you know the job was done right!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EY3BA11 Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 eff that.. thats why mr goodwrench changes my oil.. no time to waste a complete saturday changing my oil and getting all pissed off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jakster884 Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 I usually take about an hour to do one car but really is only a 15 minute process. :kitty: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior07 Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Dude that's me to a tee except the dui thing and test drive eff that after all that chit i don't even wanna look at the car ! :kitty: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indasand Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Ha Ha that's me with the boys bikes.... :kitty: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dunefreak Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 MAN! You guys are some serious eff-ups! :kitty: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAlaskan Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 MAN! You guys are some serious eff-ups! :kitty: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jr1208 Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 That's but true for a lot of people.... :kitty: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sand chick Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Yep I put this one in the joke thread about 6 months ago.. still funny though! :kitty: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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